I’m going to focus on the part of this question that relates to “disclosing a romantic relationship” because I think it’s easier (and safer) to talk about crushes with friends—especially people you’ve been with forever.
My thoughts on crushes with a romantic partner: I think it depends on the relationship and the crush. Some partners are not so jealous. Maybe they have a crush and understand the difference between find someone cute and fall in love with that person.
Sometimes it feels simply telling a loving partner, “You hired the hottest person at the coffee shop down the street and it makes me giggle every time I stop by in the morning.”
Of course, my example with the coffee crush is quite harmless. The thing with our last letter writer was that he apparently more than just a crush. It was about big feelings. Maybe obsession? Maybe the desire to be together. It was disturbing.
Many commenters disagreed with the letter writer telling her husband about these feelings, but I thought… Fine. Maybe that’s the point that ends – or changes – a relationship that’s not going well. I think it was the letter writer’s way of saying, “We have a problem here.” If I were the husband, I’d think, “Hmm. The fact that my partner felt the need to confess is pretty telling. We’ve got work to do.”
Here’s another thing: If you’re in a good relationship—one that makes you happy—you might decide to keep your crush to yourself because you knowledge it is not a threat. There is nothing wrong with keeping your fantasy life private.
It depends on personality, sense of humor, crush tone, and how comfortable a person is with their significant other. If it’s a great relationship, a crush probably won’t affect them, secret or not.
Just to be clear, I think I’m the kind of person who reveals my crushes in the past tense. Like, “I can’t believe I used to have a crush on that guy.” Then it’s long gone.
– Meredith
Readers? Have you told your significant other about your crush? What do you think about sharing? And what about friends?
