(OPINION) If you read these columns regularly, you probably know that I have five grandchildren whom I spoil unconditionally. There are three girls and two boys. They range in age from 9 to 15. Three of them are now teenagers, which is scary in many ways.
Since we live 50 miles apart, we spend quite a lot of time together. Yesterday I got a text from my youngest granddaughter asking me if I could go shopping with her and her sisters this week. Of course I will, if we can arrange a time when we are all free.
That’s the hardest part: finding time. The kids are constantly going in 54 different directions, to school, birthday parties, sports practice, babysitting jobs. And I’m busier than I intended at this point.
There is never enough time. Even when we are together, they talk badly about each other (usually in a good-natured way), go shopping, or get engrossed in their phones.
But I want to tell them important things. I am older. I have learned a lot. I could save them a lot of problems and disappointments.
A few years ago I decided to write a book that I would call something like “Things I Want My Grandchildren to Know.” I wanted to self publish it and give each of my children a copy.
But like most book projects I’ve started, I started with a lot of energy, then slowly let it dry up, and then… completely forgot about it. Recently, I happened to come across my notes from 2016. I liked what I had said. I even added new observations.
So here are again the things I want to tell my grandchildren:
1. I love each of you more than I can say. Each of you is unique, funny and inspiring. Each of you is my favorite. No, really!
2. God loves you even more than I do. Trust him. God’s message is simple, but not easy: Love everyone, accept everyone, forgive everyone. This includes loving, accepting and forgiving yourself.
3. The best you can do is all you can do. Try your hardest to do everything right. Sometimes that will be enough, and sometimes you still won’t get it right. But if you’ve done your best, that’s all anyone can reasonably expect of you.
4. You can’t live your life in someone else’s head. Never let others’ opinions of you define you. By and large, humanity is insane, so what do you care what others think? There is only one judge whose opinion really counts.
5. Always tell the truth to yourself, others, and the Lord. So many people try to be someone other than who they are and say what they think others want to hear just to fit in or because the truth is inconvenient. Some people even lie to themselves. But the truth sets us free.
6. Be kind. And spend time with other kind people. Kindness is more important than almost anything else. Kindness is contagious. No one benefits from an idiot.
7. Don’t judge. You never know what put people in the position they are in. Show compassion and grace.
8. The world doesn’t revolve around you. You are an atom floating in an infinite universe. So be humble. Don’t believe that the cosmos will accommodate your whims.
9. And yet you are important. That is one of the mysteries of life. You are insignificant, but extremely important. You are important to God, your parents, your siblings. And you are certainly important to me.
10. Find yourself by giving up yourself and serving others. (I stole this from Jesus.) When we look beyond our own needs, we mysteriously find that our needs are met.
11. Loyalty is more important than looks, talent, money or intelligence. Fortunately, it doesn’t require any special skills. Never give up. Keep at it.
12. Be content with where you are and what you have. The pursuit of prestige or power rarely brings true peace. No accomplishment is big enough to fill a sucking hole in your soul. If you are not content today, you will probably never find contentment – that is, until you choose to be.
13. You will make mistakes, maybe even serious mistakes. That’s inevitable. Everyone makes mistakes. Learn from your mistakes – that’s the key. Learn from them.
14. We are all just passing through. In the context of eternity, most things are meaningless. Learn to let go of worries, the past, and grudges. Don’t take everything so seriously.
15. Don’t waste your time chasing wealth. The Bible says it well: Even if a person is rich, his life is not made up of his possessions. So many things are so much more important than a nicer car, a bigger house, more bling-bling.
16. Develop your soul and mind. Go to church regularly. Read a lot. Pray daily. Study art. Study philosophy. Study history. These pursuits will broaden your horizons and enrich your years. Always learn something new throughout your life.
17. Avoid debt. Or at least minimize your debt. Live within your means. Do without when necessary. Everyone from Solomon to Shakespeare has warned that debt will envelop you in its web and suffocate you.
18. Be happy. If you’re battling depression or a similar illness, you may need medication or counseling. I don’t deny that. But illness aside, happiness is a choice. In most situations, you can be as happy – or as unhappy – as you want to be. Choose happiness.
19. Be grateful. Gratitude protects your mind from despair. Discipline yourself to be grateful for something every day and in every situation. If your car breaks down, be grateful that you have two feet and can walk. There is almost always something to be grateful for.
20. Be generous – with your time, your love, your money. Live to give. You will be a blessing to everyone you meet, and you will feel the hand of God working in your own problems.
