Dear Abby: The wife of a retired police officer wonders how much more of his nonsense she can take

DEAR ABBY: My husband has been retired for five years and no longer works for the police. I cannot retire because I am self-employed. I have always been the one who has had to take time off work for the past 15 years to care for him during his back and hip surgeries, his mother, his father and my mother. I have also taken care of his children during weekend visits.

He has spent his retirement in chronic pain, staying in bed until 11 a.m., and has reconnected with his girlfriends from high school and college, all of whom have cheated on him or stolen from him, breaking his heart. One of them was convicted of stealing from a charity event.

At first he promised to give up on these women, but for the last three years he has lied to me about having contact with them. He says he doesn’t have to give them up because “they were an important part of his life.” Abby, they gave him STDs and left him while I was foolishly loyal and faithful.

I know he probably has PTSD and anger issues from being mean to me. But I was so looking forward to having a “real” marriage once the stress of his job is over. He packs up and leaves every now and then, but he comes back after a few hours. He confides in these women and they talk badly about me because of his lies. I don’t want their energy in my marriage. What can I do? – CONFUSED IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR WOUNDED: Consult a lawyer. And then finally assert yourself. Tell your husband that you are appalled by his ingratitude after all the years of love and care you have given him, and that he will spend his retirement without you unless he agrees to marriage counseling.

And while you’re at it, tell him that his emotional affairs (if nothing else) with women who have abused him are sick and that you will no longer tolerate his constant lies about it. Then prepare to leave because he’s unlikely to change and you deserve much better.