Dear Eric: My 89-year-old mother is a lifelong Democrat who wears buttons and slogan t-shirts. She is also afraid of confrontation. My younger sister’s husband, who leans Republican, forwards my mother text messages from Fox News and people on X who make fun of Democrats. Sometimes she gets so upset she can’t sleep because he may find the messages he forwards funny, but they are usually either cruel and/or spreading misinformation.
She doesn’t think his wife or kids know he’s doing this, so she shares her distress with me (I’m in a different time zone). I’ve learned that this is triangulation, and advise her to find the strength to tell him directly to stop. I’ve told her not to respond to his texts (she used to try to counter with information) and to tell him she’s blocking him if he doesn’t stop. At what point is it close enough to bullying that I should intervene? I’m also afraid of his anger.
– Desperate daughter
Dear daughter: We’re already at a point where bullying is going on, and you should step in. This isn’t about politics – I’d say the same thing if your mother was a lifelong Republican bombarded with Kamala Harris memes about coconut trees. This is about unwanted, prolonged contact.
Her mother is naturally confrontational and, at 89, is not a digital native. Therefore, this type of exchange is completely outside her area of expertise. She needs some help.
Talk to your sister and tell her what’s going on. Does she put up with this teasing? Find out if your sister can help your mom block your brother-in-law’s text messages. They just don’t have to stay in touch like this.
He may see it as harmless or an appropriate response to your mother’s loud political statements. He needs to hear clearly that it doesn’t come across that way. You write that you are afraid of your brother-in-law’s anger. Is your mother in danger? Your sister? You don’t have to solve all the problems here, but when people are experiencing bullying or potentially harassment, they need help getting out of that situation.
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