The secret of high-performing teams

Twenty years ago I wrote Never eat alonea book that has changed the way millions of people approach networking and relationship building. As I look back on the book’s 20th anniversary year and two decades of working with leaders and teams around the world, one truth stands out: the power of meaningful connections to achieve ambitious goals has been the common thread that has run through all of my work.

In the years since then Never eat alone was published, I have witnessed the dramatic evolution of the business landscape. Disruptive technologies, global crises, and shifting cultural norms have changed the way we work and interact. Yet amidst all of this change, the fundamental importance of strong relationship bonds has only grown. Whether you are an entrepreneur seeking investors, a manager motivating your team, or a CEO leading a multinational corporation, your ability to build genuine, trust-based relationships is the foundation of success.

This realization has led me to a new theme in my work: team spirit. We are moving into an era of unprecedented complexity and rapid change. It is clear that no individual, no matter how talented, can do it alone. The future belongs to teams that can harness the collective power of their relationships to drive innovation, agility and performance.

The trust gap: A critical challenge for modern teams

Our research at the Ferrazzi Greenlight Research Institute has revealed a shocking reality: only 41% of team members believe they have caring, trusting and supportive relationships with their colleagues. This trust deficit is more than just a feel-good issue—it’s a critical barrier to innovation, agility and performance in today’s volatile business world.

A sequel? Never Lead Alone

Team spirit is a concept I describe in detail in the sequel to Never Eat Alone – the book I’m releasing later this year: Never Lead Alone. This latest book is about rethinking the way we work together. It’s about moving from traditional, hierarchical leadership to a model where teams nurture each other and use 21st century collaboration practices. The Intimacy Dinner, a foundational practice of team spirit, is a prime example of this new approach in action.

The Intimacy Dinner: Creating trust through vulnerability

The Intimacy Dinner is not your average team-building exercise. It is a carefully curated experience designed to build personal connections and lay the foundation for trusting, high-performing teams. Here’s how it works:

Quarterly Schedule: Teams meet every three months for this focused team building session.

Thoughtful ambience: Dinner takes place in a completely quiet, private space. Seating is arranged to create a tight physical and emotional space. Chairs are close together and there are no large centerpieces to obstruct the view.

Important questions: The core of the exercise is a single, deep question that evokes vulnerability. Examples include:

• “What experience from your past has most contributed to who you are today?”
• “What is the biggest mistake you have made personally or professionally and what lesson did you learn from it?”
• “What legacy do you want to leave behind personally and professionally?”

Sharing: Everyone takes turns answering the chosen question and speaking for about 2-3 minutes. There is no confusion or interruptions during sharing.

Attentive listening: While one person is communicating, the others practice active, empathetic listening. The goal is to truly understand, not to prepare a response.

Reflection: After each person has said something, the group holds a moment of silence to process what was said before moving on to the next person.

Confidentiality: What is shared at dinner stays within the group, creating a safe space for vulnerability.

Follow-up: In subsequent team interactions, members are encouraged to draw on the insights gained at dinner to strengthen the connections made.

This structure creates a unique environment where team members can look beyond job titles and roles and see the whole person behind each colleague. This deeper understanding and empathy form the foundation for trusting and high-performing teamwork.

The science behind dinner

The effectiveness of the Intimacy Dinner is based on several key factors:

• Psychological safety: By creating a structured space for vulnerability, we build the trust necessary for innovation and risk-taking.
• Building empathy: Sharing personal stories promotes understanding and breaks down stereotypes and prejudices.
• Depth of relationships: Going beyond superficial interactions creates stronger and more resilient working relationships.

Real-world implications: The power of constructed trust

I have witnessed the transformative power of Intimacy Dinners across industries. While every team’s journey is unique, some common themes emerge:

• Improved collaboration: Teams consistently report more cross-functional projects and smoother cross-departmental communication after implementing regular intimacy dinners.
• Higher employee satisfaction: As trust increases, so does job satisfaction. Team members often report feeling more connected to their colleagues and aligned with the company’s mission.
• Bridging cultural differences: In global organizations, these dinners have proven invaluable in breaking down cultural barriers and promoting understanding between diverse team members.
• Faster problem resolution: Stronger relationships enable teams to address challenges more effectively, often preventing small misunderstandings from turning into major project delays.

These results are not only good news, but have a direct impact on business performance. Teams that trust each other are more innovative, flexible and ultimately more successful in today’s fast-paced business world.

How to introduce intimate dinners in your team

Are you ready to revolutionize your team’s approach to building trust? Here’s how to get started:

1. Set clear expectations: Communicate the purpose and structure of the dinner to your team.
2. Choose your questions carefully: Select prompts that fit your team’s current dynamics and goals.
3. Lead by example: As a leader, be willing to show your personality openly and vulnerably.
4. Follow through: Use the insights gained at the dinners as a basis for other teamwork practices and decision-making processes.

The future of team trust is planned

The Intimacy Dinner is more than just a nice meal – it’s a catalyst for the deep trust and collaboration that characterizes world-class teams. In a business world where change is the only constant, such practices are no longer optional – they’re essential.

Ready to build trust within your team? The Intimacy Dinner could be the game-changer you’ve been looking for. Remember, in today’s interconnected business world, no one can afford to do everything alone. It’s time to bring meaningful connections back to the table – literally.