DEAR ABBY: Fifteen years ago, my partner and I moved to a new community and became friends with a neighbor whose initial kindness and generosity impressed us greatly. When the neighbor learned that I was unemployed, his influence enabled me to get a job at his company.
In the professional environment, however, the neighbor revealed a manipulative, condescending, underhanded and malicious personality, often bringing colleagues to tears with his tirades. He literally turned into a Jekyll and Hyde.
After a decade of his tyranny and the suicide attempt of a co-worker he had harassed mercilessly, I took a job at another company and later retired to another state. Since then, he has contacted me periodically to tell me he misses us as neighbors and friends and would love to visit.
Although working for his company gave us the financial opportunity to make plans for the future that were previously beyond our means, I lack the ability to place gratitude above the memories of the emotional abuse he subjected my colleagues and me to.
My stay there had a negative impact on my health and I have no desire to relive that experience just to boost his ego. My partner thinks I can put up with anything for a few days. Am I wrong to think otherwise?
— HESITANT IN ARIZONA
DEAR HESITATOR: If your former boss asks you to visit, politely decline. If he continues to insist, it’s time to have a frank conversation with him. When (and if) it comes to that, tell him that while he was nice to you personally, his rants and the fact that he nearly drove a colleague to suicide were the reasons you left the company, and that you would rather not have him visit.
Dear Abby was written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or PO Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
