Over ten years ago, I gave up my career in business to support my family. Two of my three children are disabled and I had to care for them. Staying home full time was the right decision for me, but I didn’t think that was where I would ever be. As I was quitting, I thought back to one afternoon when I was going through applications with a colleague. One resume stood out in the pile. It was from a woman who hadn’t worked for a while, presumably because she’d been a stay-at-home mom. “She’s too far behind,” my colleague said, shaking her head. “We don’t hire people who have taken a long break from work.” I cringed and swore that would never happen to me. But somehow it did. When I quit my job, it felt like I was losing a part of myself.
As I entered a new phase of life, I quickly learned how hard it was to be a stay-at-home dad. Caring for three children with completely different needs was a 24-hour job with rotating naps, never-ending meals, multiple early intervention therapy sessions per day, numerous doctor’s appointments, and minimal adult contact.
Eventually, I found ways to manage it, and along the way, I picked up skills I didn’t even know I had. I found creative ways to keep the kids entertained. I spent hours checking my calendar to coordinate physical therapy sessions and doctor’s appointments, as I was taking three kids to three schools in three different cities. I also learned to listen to my body. To breathe and step away when I needed space. To call a friend when I needed an adult conversation or to squeeze in a 20-minute workout routine when everyone else was busy.
Years passed. My youngest son started kindergarten and I dusted off my LinkedIn account as I began freelancing. The large, unexplained gap where I was doing “nothing” was embarrassing. What would people think? I let it go and hoped no one would notice.
And then about two months ago, I came across an option on LinkedIn that allowed me to report the time I spent as a stay-at-home mom or stay-at-home dad. My heart warmed. I was excited to fill that gap with “full-time parenting, career break,” even though it definitely wasn’t “break.” It was the time in my life when I worked the hardest.
The more I thought about it, the more I realized how much those six years shaped me. They matured me in ways I didn’t think possible. I’m much more efficient, emotionally attuned, and don’t worry about the little things. I know how to get things done, how to plan days, weeks, and months in advance to account for countless layers of responsibility, how to juggle massive amounts of paperwork, how to advocate for my children so they get the resources they need, and also how to ask for help and step back when I know I’m overwhelmed.
These skills forced me to recognize who I am, how I want to live my life, and how I best navigate the world. Instead of hoping people won’t notice this time when they skim my resume, I now recognize how incredibly valuable this time was for my personal development. I’m better at things that help people succeed in the workplace because I took time off. With a fresh perspective and a different viewpoint, I’m better prepared to handle a variety of personalities and expectations.
Moms have to make difficult decisions. We do our best to make smart choices, for ourselves and for our families. And when we shift our focus, we shouldn’t feel like we’re losing out. There are many opportunities to learn and grow, and employers should value these transferable skills. I don’t feel like I have to apologize for or explain my time as a stay-at-home mom or dad. I’ve always continued to learn, face challenges, and expand my skills in new directions. That time is an important part of my story, and I’m proud of it.
Jaclyn Greenberg is a former tax preparer who became a freelance writer when her son was born with multiple disabilities. Jaclyn now writes about parenting, accessibility, and inclusion and has written for The New York Times, CNN, Wired, Huffpost, Parents, Good Housekeeping, Fodor’s, and more. She is working on a memoir about staying connected as a family of five. LinkedIn, Instagram, XWebsite.
