Tampa Bay must drive at dawn for Rays taco coupon

The Tampa Bay Rays game on Monday night was so boring. I don’t say that to deride our beloved Rays, but facts are facts. The game was one big, boring loser.

Naturally, I turned my attention away from sports and to the Kane’s Furniture strikeout counter. You know it? It’s that row of aquamarine neon Ks at Tropicana Field, a new letter lights up with each strikeout. When the Ks reach 10, the whole room gets free tacos and chips from Tijuana Flats, kind of like Oprah handing out cars.

It took practically the entire Monday game, but the tenth strikeout finally came while I was trudging back from the bathroom in a slightly depressed state. My husband texted, “TACCOOOSSSSS.”

There was a time in my life when I would have ignored this taco opportunity. First, it’s kind of embarrassing, like wrestling with a spring breaker for the last Señor Frogs tank top. Second, to get the free taco, you have to drive to the store and navigate the Leo Seafoam 5-Piece Leather Triple Power Reclining Living Rooms to find the service counter. Once you get the coupon, you have to commit to redeeming it within seven days, and even then, there are more rules. No steaks, carnitas, or specialty tacos! Please behave yourself and don’t ask for the double cheese wrapper!

In summary, the process is as simple as trying to keep homeowners insurance in Florida. But I’ve been thinking lately that it’s time to let go of the cool, put in the effort, and do the work of saving. It’s time to squeeze every last penny and every last promotion out of this greater metropolitan area before it squeezes us dry, you know? It’s time to get in there, get dirty, and get those deals! We’re heading to Kane at dawn!

Americans love to get themselves in trouble by establishing traditions that are impossible to break: Groundhog Day, the presidential pardon of the turkey, tipping. While workers are undoubtedly entitled to fair pay, going to a restaurant without, say, a gift card from Kane’s Furniture is increasingly unaffordable for many.

We order a turkey burger for $12.99 and get a bill for $3,500. A look at the fine print raises more questions. Is there a service charge? A, er, “stabilization fee”? An employee recognition fee? If this revenue goes through the restaurant owner first, can we trust that the money will get to the staff? Should we tip on top of that? Should we go into debt to avoid having to ask questions at the end of a pleasant meal? Is guacamole extra?

A free taco is a silly thing to say in the context of larger discussions about survival, but I’ve come to the conclusion that it’s symbolic, a step toward controlling this expensive ship. While everyone would welcome a simple policy response to lower prices, there’s nothing that will solve the problem. Inflation is slowing and has fallen to its lowest level in three years, and the Fed is probably close to cutting rates. All amazing facts that Astros fans can explain in the taco line at Kane’s.

But people have power, too. They can declare that we’re sick of tipping 20 percent on a $4 bottle of water. This has to be a community effort. If a whole bunch of us decide to become Depression-era grandparents, trade breakfast coupons from the ValPak, find ways to maximize Busch Gardens’ free beer, download the Winn-Dixie app, keep showing up for 813 Day, 727 Day, and Free Museum Day, and show that we’re willing to do the tedious work necessary to make rampant coupon use back in style, maybe—maybe!—we can collectively turn the tide.

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In that spirit, I headed to Kane’s on Tuesday after the game and was immediately approached by an agitated furniture saleswoman. “JUST LOOK AT ME,” I said, as if I was 13 and trying to illegally buy Old Milwaukee. I browsed and pretended to be interested in the many rows of rhinestone dressers and headboards as I made my way to the desk.

“I’m here for my tacos,” I said, holding out my ballpark tickets. Then I gave up all my personal information and traded my identity to save about $5.99 on a Fiesta experience. Is it worth it? I don’t know. But in this tough economy, we all have to play ball.

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