Anna Marie Tendler is many things: an art photographer, designer of Victorian lampshades, hair and make-up stylist, beauty blogger and now also an author. “My original proposal was not to write an autobiography, but rather an illustrated book with photographs and a few personal essays,” says Tendler. B from her quirky country home in Connecticut. “Reconceiving it as a memoir was my editor’s idea, and although I was nervous, I knew this was an opportunity I couldn’t pass up.”
The book, In Tendler’s words, it is about mental health and femininity, but also about “the inexhaustible source of my grief and anger – men.” Men called her crazy spans from late 2020 to 2023 and focuses primarily on Tendler’s two-week stay in a mental health facility. Tendler, then 35 and in the midst of an increasingly public divorce from comedian John Mulaney, followed her therapist’s advice and sought intensive treatment for suicidal thoughts, self-harm, and eating disorders. Interspersed between anecdotes from art therapy sessions and movie nights with the other women at the hospital are flashbacks to Tendler’s romantic past. The numerous unhealthy and sometimes illicit relationships with men shed light on her ongoing mental health struggle, bringing to the forefront their respective contributions to her insecurity, anxiety, and paranoia.
Men called her crazy offers an original portrait of a woman at the height of her anger against the patriarchy, a guide to contemporary mental health practices, and a stirring testimony to the possibility of growth and healing. Below, Tendler talks about her writing process, her current favorite recipe, and the album she constantly listens to on repeat.
Did the process of writing the book change your relationship to the experiences you wrote about?
That was also the case: A lot of the anger dissipated. One of my big goals for the book was to write about the things that made me angry, but in a constructive way. I tried to think: What is the most constructive language, the most constructive framework, or the most constructive way to present both sides of this scenario? I also believe that things get stored in your body and letting them out can be very helpful.
So was it a therapeutic process?
Yes, definitely. I have a real inferiority complex about my work, and I think other women can relate to that. From a young age, I never felt smart; I always had to prove my intelligence and prove that aesthetic thought doesn’t make you frivolous. Writing the memoir proved to me that I am smart and capable and can achieve much more than I previously thought possible.
Did you read other memoirs in preparation for writing your own memoir?
Honestly, not really. I didn’t want to pick up something by accident. I felt that if I read something I liked too much, it would trigger my perfectionism and make writing even harder. The only memory I reread was Crazy by Susanna Kaysen because I wanted to see how she managed to write about the people she was with in the hospital. Otherwise, Ocean Vuongs On earth we are briefly beautiful, and Rivka Galchens Everyone knows your mother is a witchI pretty much stopped reading until I finished writing.
Speaking of witchcraft: Did you have a writing ritual?
Because of all the things going on in my life at the time, I had to be very flexible with my time. But before I sat down to write, I always cleansed my desk, computer and body with Palo Santo or sage from an indigenous beadmaker who sells beautiful jewelry through her company Three Sisters by Emma.
Can you tell me about your interest in magic and astrology?
I pull tarot cards weekly, if not daily. I see a tarot card reader, know my birth chart, and study astrology. However, I don’t believe these things predict the future. I use them as tools for self-reflection and feel that they bring me calm and peace.
Is there anyone in this field whose work particularly appeals to you?
I look for people whose approach is similarly profound as Chani Nicholas. I also really like the work of Jessica Dore. She is a trained social worker who uses tarot cards and has written a book called Tarot for Change. She also has a really well researched and thoughtful newsletter called Offers, that I read every Sunday.
What other media do you like to consume?
Reality TV! I love the Real HousewivesWhen I’m not working, I want to turn off my brain; reality TV is the best way to do that.
What about films? Do you have any absolute favorites?
I could watch Ladybug over and over again. It is a perfect film without a single misstep. My favorite film is The Royal Tenenbaums. I also love Martin Scorsese’s first film, After workwhich was filmed in 1985 and starred Griffin Dunne and Rosanna Arquette.
Are there any directors you turn to for inspiration or when you’re stuck in a creative rut?
Park Chan-wook. The art direction and production design of his films are incredible and most of it comes from Ryu Seong-hie, with whom he has worked ever since. Old boy in 2003. She is incredible! I also love the aesthetic of Wong Kar-wai’s In the mood for love; it is one of the most beautiful films you will ever see. And more recently, Marie Kreutzer’s corsage.
There are many musical references in your book. What is your relationship to music?
I usually leave it on all the time, except when I’m working, and then I need absolute silence. Waxahatchees (2020) Album Holy Cloud was the background music to the book. I listened to it a lot after I got out of the hospital and then when I finished writing I listened to Pinegrove. I get obsessed with an album and it’s the only thing I can or want to listen to. Phoebe Bridgers Stranger in the Alps is another album of this kind, and recently Rosalía’s Motomami.
Is there anything else you would like to share or recommend?
Honestly, my dying wish would be for men to consume more media by women: art, music, books, and movies. I recently saw a meme of an old Jeopardy image where the entire playing field was empty except for the historical women, and of course the contestants were three men. It would change the world instantly if every man sat down and read a few books by women.
Just think of the instant boost in empathy! What book or book series would you assign to them?
Definitely My brilliant friend by Elena Ferrante for the book and Michaela Coels I could destroy you for the series.
