Many young mothers give their babies up for adoption. Either they are not able to raise them at that point in their lives, or they are faced with many external difficulties that force them to make this difficult decision for their child. u/Regular_Chocolate_46 was one of those young mothers who gave her baby up for adoption when she was still a teenager. Now, the woman turned to Reddit to seek advice on whether it was wrong for her biological son to no longer call her mommy.
“When I was a teenager, I had a baby and gave him up for adoption. I did this through an agency and one of the terms of the contract required the adoptive parents to give him my contact information when he grew up so he could contact me if he ever wanted to,” said the woman, now 40. “18 years later, I get a letter in the mail and he wants to meet me. I said yes and his mother flew with him to meet me in my state. We had a great visit and it was incredible to meet the great young man he has grown into. We have stayed in touch over the last few years. I let him meet my children and develop a brotherly bond with them.”
It was all well and good until the son she gave away also called his biological mother “Mommy.” Not only was this uncomfortable for the woman, but she also felt that the young man’s behavior was disrespectful to his adoptive mother. The biological mother tried to explain her point of view to the son, and since then he has cut off contact with her. The woman suspects that he is extremely upset and feels guilty about it.
“It’s worth noting that we met after he turned 18. He turns 23 next month. I gave him away at birth. He never knew me as his mother and his adoptive mother is his only mother. Giving him away was the hardest thing I’ve ever done in my entire life. So, to the people who say I rejected him, you have no idea what you’re talking about. I contacted an agency and specifically selected his parents from tons of files,” the woman added.
She clarified that she didn’t directly tell him to stop calling her “mommy” and that they had an extensive conversation about it. The young man also harbors no resentment toward his biological mother. “I don’t think he wanted to call me mommy because he felt a mother-son connection between us. He said he felt I deserved a title that was more than just ‘lady I got DNA from,’ especially around his brothers. I told him it was OK to just call me by my first name,” the post concluded. The Reddit community chimed in to share their thoughts on the matter.
u/Expensive_Prize_8126 commented, “He wants a relationship with you and sees you as his mother. This is not disrespectful to his adoptive mother. You are the reason he is alive and he appreciates that. Talk to him about what each of you thinks, what names are appropriate, but give him plenty of leeway.” u/servncuntt quipped, “It sucks and even though he thinks that way, you may have given birth to him but you are not a mother to him. He should respect that. His feelings are not the only thing that should matter.”
u/Snickerdoodle2021 mentioned, “We talk about adoption a lot, but usually from the perspective of the adoptee. Parents who give their children up for adoption experience emotional trauma too. It sounds like you’re trying to build a healthy relationship with your son. For you, that might mean he needs to find a different way to address you. You’re not wrong for wanting that.” u/Global_Look2821 added, “I’m really sorry for both of you. I think your son felt such a warm connection with you and ‘mommy’ came out because he felt so welcome and so close to all of you. I can also understand that you were uncomfortable in that moment and that you were afraid it might hurt his adoptive mother.”
