Note: This column was originally published in 2021.
Dear Annie: My husband and I have been married for five years. We have a beautiful daughter and a son on the way. But I keep catching my husband using dating websites and chat rooms for singles. When I confront him about it, he gets angry and says, “It’s been months!” But when I check the browser history, newer websites keep showing up. He says he never talks to anyone, he just looks. How can I make him understand that I love him and that these are not websites for married people? Should I just give up and end the marriage? I’m at a loss. – Taken for granted
Dear Taken: You don’t have to make it clear to him that these sites aren’t for married people. He already knows. He just doesn’t care, or he’s too addicted to the high to stop. Either way, his blatant disregard for your feelings is shocking, and the fact that he’s doing all this while you’re pregnant makes it even worse. If you both really want to get through this, you need the help of a marriage counselor. If he refuses to go, it may be time to discreetly talk to an attorney about your options.
Dear Annie: My son “Rick” and one of his former girlfriends, “Cherie”, had a baby together. I love Cherie and the baby so much and am lucky to see my grandson every other week. My problem is, how do I introduce Cherie to family members who have never met her?
I’m also not sure how to introduce the woman Rick is currently dating. I don’t really care about her, but they live together. How should I introduce her to the family? – Mum Mom
Dear mum: Keep it simple. Introduce Cherie by name and as your grandson’s mother. Introduce Rick’s girlfriend as Rick’s girlfriend, because that’s what she is whether you like it or not.
Dear Annie: You’ve had several letters recently about people drinking too much. I’ve been researching this topic since my niece died of organ failure a few weeks ago after years of drinking alcohol. She wouldn’t take advice from anyone, but now her problems are over.
The best I have found is research by William Porter, a British lawyer who quit drinking seven years ago. He has written several books on the subject of alcohol. His website is www.alcoholexplained.com. The first five chapters of his book, Alcohol Explained, can be read online for free. Once you read about what alcohol does to your brain, you will never go back. He has written several other books and videos. All are thought-provoking. –Carolyn A.
Dear Carolyn: I am so sorry that this insidious disease has claimed your niece’s life. I have read the five chapters of Alcohol Explained available online. As you noted, the author is a lawyer, not a doctor, but he provides a clear and useful overview of the chemistry behind the disease of alcoholism. I do not share the view of Alcoholics Anonymous that he represents in the introduction. However, I know that some people struggling with alcohol problems want other alternatives to AA, and self-education through books like these can be helpful. (Other good options include Families Anonymous and LifeRing Secular Recovery.)
How Can I Forgive My Cheating Partner? is available now! Annie Lane’s second anthology – featuring popular columns on marriage, infidelity, communication and reconciliation – is available in paperback and e-book. For more information, visit www.creatorspublishing.com. Send your questions to Annie Lane at [email protected].
