Picture this: A coworker you barely know casually mentions having a dream about you. It’s a pretty vivid, bizarre dream where the two of you are cooking an elaborate lunch of steaming fish and chicken curry while simultaneously typing away in Excel spreadsheets? Spoiler alert: The dream ends with a burnt apple pie and the boss yelling at you on the phone.
Abu Dhabi resident Anousheh Singh had this dream and, as she says, “made the mistake” of telling her co-worker about it. She was left confused and stunned, and the co-worker never spoke to her again. On the other hand, if your romantic interest tells you that he dreamed of sitting next to you watching the sunset, your heart might skip a few beats.
So let’s get back to the question: is it really a good idea to tell someone that you dreamed about them? Or is it better to keep it to yourself?
If you’re hesitant to share your dream with someone, it’s best to keep it to yourself. Trust your gut feeling.
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But wait, why do we dream about people at all?
Agatha Montgomery, a clinical psychologist based in Dubai, explains why we dream about people in the first place, whether they are our loved ones or just casual acquaintances. “Our dreams often put the spotlight on the people who shape our lives, whether through frequent interaction or emotional connections,” she explains. The frequency of dreams can vary, but they still reflect our subconscious wrestling with the intricacies of our relationships and experiences. “So even though dreaming about a colleague is rather unpleasant, it is probably because you have only just met them during the day. Dreams can mean many things, and this could simply be an indication that your professional life is constantly on your mind. You need to observe the patterns and dynamics in the dream, they could reflect your relationship with them,” she says.
Dreams provide a way to process complex emotions.
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Sometimes dreams are also filled with people with whom you have unresolved conflicts. You say things to them in the dream that you wouldn’t say to them in person, explains Montgomery. In other words, dreams provide an outlet for processing complex emotions.
Layla Youssef, a clinical psychologist from Abu Dhabi, draws on Austrian psychoanalyst Sigmund Freud’s The Interpretation of Dreams to explain the different layers of a dream. Freud argued that dreams carry a taboo, a sense of moral transgression. These dreams are “disguised fulfillments of repressed desires”. When we sleep, our defenses are weaker, so these primal urges come to the surface in the form of wish fulfillments. However, to protect our rest, our minds act as censors, disguising these desires in symbolic and often confusing images.
He describes the two “levels” of a dream as manifest and latent content.
Manifest content: It is the literal plot of a dream. These are the images, events, and characters that you consciously remember when you wake up. For example, if you dream of arguing with your partner, this is a clear example of manifest content.
Latent content: This implies the hidden meaning behind the dream, often symbolic and emotional. It is the subconscious message that is meant to be conveyed. The same dream about an argument with a partner could symbolize underlying insecurities or unmet needs in the relationship. If you dream of a friend you haven’t spoken to in years, it could mean a longing for reconciliation or a desire to finally have closure with unresolved feelings.
Still, there is a special dream lexicon, Youssef adds. It would be far too simplistic to say that simply dreaming about your boss indicates your own ambition and drive. Such dreams can have complex symbolism and even imply fear of authority or an inability to let go of your professional life. According to Freud’s own theory, the subconscious uses “dream work” to disguise the latent content of a dream and create the manifest content that we actually remember.
This particular “dream work” might involve condensation, where several dream elements are combined into one. For example, your boss and your mom are having a picnic in the park (yikes!). It could also involve “displacement,” where a dream appears to be about one thing but could actually be about something else.
Youssef adds: “Dreams are very personal, complicated visions of images and objects that scientists are still trying to understand. Most of the time, they don’t even follow a logical or coherent sequence; they are often pure representations of our desires, the need for wish fulfillment, perhaps the desperation to rewrite our past. They could also be signs of larger complications that a person needs to deal with. At their best, they are representations of feelings and raw emotions,” she adds.
And everyone has dreams. Maybe that’s why in some cases it can be quite uncomfortable to share such intimate and personal parts of yourself with another person who is almost a stranger. Their first reaction would be, “Why are you even dreaming about me?”
So when can you tell someone you dreamed about them?
Well, according to psychologists, it depends on several factors. According to Letizia Mugnai, a clinical psychologist from Dubai, it depends on the type of dream and the relationship you have with the person. So, if you tell your close friend that you dreamed that you were both singing karaoke with Korean boy band BTS, that is perfectly normal and acceptable. On the other hand, if you tell your colleague that you dreamed that you were pushed into a snake pit, you will probably get some worried looks, to say the least.
Revealing a dream to someone requires a certain level of vulnerability that creates trust and intimacy.
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As Montgomery and Mugnai explain, feelings of intimacy are often deepened when dreams are shared with close friends. Dreams often reveal our deepest thoughts, fears, and desires, so revealing a dream to someone requires a certain level of vulnerability that builds trust and intimacy.
Dreams also evoke strong emotions, perhaps even the seemingly simplest ones, like just the two of you spending the day together. Some may have a particularly healing, bittersweet quality, as recalled by Cindy Lin, a Thai expat and corporate communications manager living in Abu Dhabi. She says, “My best friend lives in another country, on the other side of the world, and we only meet once every two years. So often I dream of doing the most mundane things with him, like grocery shopping or trying new restaurants. I keep telling him about the dreams. We laugh about it and it really makes me feel lighter. I think I just miss him so much.”
If the dream was pleasant and the person played a positive or supportive role, it can be a nice gesture to share this. It can make the person feel good to know that they had a positive impact on you, even in your subconscious. If the dream was neutral or didn’t carry much emotional weight, it may not be necessary to bring it up unless the context is relevant….
– Letizia Mugnai, clinical psychologist
There can be magic in the everyday: in this case, telling your close friend that you dreamed of him doing the most mundane things will make him realize how important he is to you.
On the other hand, if you dreamed that your close friend or partner let you down or hurt you in some way, it might be important to share those feelings with them, Montgomery adds. This could be a reflection of a deep-rooted fear from your past that is being exacerbated by something they may have just said in jest.
She also adds that sharing pleasant, neutral dreams can often be a good conversation starter, especially with people you don’t fully know. You might both get a few laughs and develop a close friendship with the person. Carolyn Yaffe, a Dubai-based cognitive behavioral therapist, explains that this is also related to emotional processing. “Discussing dreams can help people process emotions and experiences, providing clarity and relief from anxiety or stress.” It can also provide opportunities for new insights. “Others may have different perspectives or interpretations that can help the dreamer understand underlying issues or themes in their life.” And so, sometimes sharing a dream can create a sense of validation. The dreamer realizes that their experiences and feelings have been acknowledged by others.
However, when dreams are negative or have a particularly haunting, disturbing, or even embarrassing quality, it may be best to keep them to yourself, Youssef explains. It could make another person feel anxious or worried. Additionally, people may project their own assumptions, oversimplify your dreams, or even discourage you, which may feel even more irritating. It may draw unwanted attention or criticism. “Sharing such dreams may result in misunderstanding or discomfort. It’s often best to address any issues or emotions from the dream through more direct and constructive communication rather than mentioning the dream itself,” Mugnai adds. Ultimately, sharing your dream is a personal decision. Trust your gut. If you’re hesitant, it’s probably best to keep your dreams to yourself.
