TIVERTON, R.I. — Local dental hygienist Barbara McCall is baffled why her years-long campaign criticizing Donald Trump on Facebook for his ridiculously small hands has seemingly had so little impact on stopping the rise of fascism in the U.S., sources at her book club say.
“I don’t get it,” McCall said as she stuck a new “Lock Him Up” bumper sticker on her Yaris. “Since 2016, I’ve been regularly posting really snarky comments about Trump’s appearance, as well as these picture-with-word things that show him looking like a clown or with a Hitler mustache. But it seems like my efforts haven’t done much to slow his rise to power. I’ve also made some really snarky comments, like Mango Mussolini, Orange Julius Caesar, and Tannibal Lecter. Nothing seems to work!”
McCall’s daughter Jane says her mother’s constant attempts to make jokes about Trump have damaged her own mental health.
“I almost die of embarrassment when my mom posts a corny insult or a poor boomer meme about Trump,” the younger McCall said, peering between her fingers at Facebook. “I can’t delete Facebook – it breaks my mom’s heart when I don’t ‘like’ every post she makes. So I hold my nose and do it. I’ve suggested ways to her and her friends that they could actually make a difference, from attending a pro-Palestinian rally to helping register new voters, but they all have excuses why they can’t do anything more than share corny Trump jokes from their phones.”
Dwayne Cochrane, a comedian who specializes in roasts, has some advice for suburban liberals who try their hand at insult humor.
“An effective insult has to be based on a grain of truth,” Cochrane said. “You can say Trump has small hands, but actually his hands are pretty normal-sized. You have to base your jokes on reality, but you have to be careful not to aim for targets that are too easy to achieve. Don’t make fun of his messed up hair or his spray tans – that’s been done to death. Instead, focus on him wanting to have sex with his own daughter, or his wife hating him, or take advantage of his rapidly declining cognitive abilities. If you insist on body shaming, keep on making fun of his big old dumper. There’s plenty of real crap to make fun of.”
At press time, McCall had begun posting AI-generated images of Kamala Harris in heroic poses, a development her daughter described not as an improvement but as a “step to the side.”
